The End (of Eli’s Sanity) is Near

I am at the end of sanity.

I am crying out to God saying, “Why do I have such a multi-tasking, too-diverse job?”

It especially seems like end of the year is a controversy between “Hey, it’s Christmas season and it’s a jolly, jolly seasooon!” and “WHY DOES EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING NEED TO HAPPEN AT ONCE OR CHANGE AT THIS TIME, WHEN WE ARE ALREADY WITH OUR HANDS FULL?”

Everything is due at the same time (most of it given to me to due from last Friday and most of it due tomorrow or Friday, actually. Yay!):

  • Videos for an elementary event
  • Administering final exams for 4 different classes
  • Grading final exams
  • Yearbook publishing (I am in charge of logistics and looking over the creative aspect for students)
  • Ending our Sunlin Orphanage club logistics well (NEIS and Social Service Hours)
  • Putting in grades and comments in the blessed NEIS system
  • Putting in Homeroom stuff into the NEIS system
  • School curricular changes happenin’ faster than the speed of light from around November
  • Balancing middle and high school final exam schedule with normal elementary schedule while trying to keep my elementary students calm while doing a Nacho Party with them.
  • Some elementary students didn’t do a final assessment. Gotta reprint it for them and ask them to give it to me next week at the latest.

Non-school related stuff that is due very soon:

  • Ending personal relationships well:
    • HGU students who are graduating
    • HIS co-workers who are leaving right after school finishes
    • HIS students
    • HGU-related random friends I have met
    • HIC life group members
  • Grad School Application (need to finish two essays)
  • Organize my stuff (what to give away and what to take with me)
    • school stuff
    • home stuff

As silly as this may sound, I am telling God, “God, next time I have a job, can it be a job that doesn’t entail teaching 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade Spanish, Middle School Spanish 1 and 3, High School Spanish 1, Speech and Debate, English, and Yearbook? And a job that won’t include so much administration work that is frustrating in its bureaucratic format? And a job that won’t make me be something like a homeroom teacher? (To clarify, it’s not that my homeroom kids are terrible, it’s just that I couldn’t fulfill the emotional/social aspect of being a homeroom teacher due to my scatter-brained status.) I just don’t know how much longer I can do this multi-faceted-need-to-be-social-job-kind-of-thing. I feel like I’m being mean and annoying to everyone, I have zero patience for anything, and I literally feel my mind going blank. Yet at the same time, thank you that my Spanish 3 class ended up being just 2 students (less grading!), thank you that my Speech and Debate class and Yearbook class don’t need to have Final Exams, thank you that Elementary Spanish isn’t really graded, and thank you that so far no one has rebuked me for doing a terrible job, because You know that’s how I feel most of the time. Please, please, can I have a non-애매한 job/stage for my next step? Or is the hectic-ness of my mind due to my lack of trust in You? If so, please help me hear You out because I really am going crazy. Help me to not be anxious, but to bring my requests before You in prayer and petition!”

(You might be thinking, ‘Hey, this must have taken you some time to write! Time that could have been well-spent doing the stuff you need to do.’ This is very true, but if I did not write this, I would currently be crying and going super-mind-blank. So, all in all, I needed to write this out in order to function better as a robo… I mean, human being.)

This is what the End of Sanity Looks like. Some hope, but a lot of confusion and darkness.