인사의 파워 (The Power of Bowing)

2015년 1월 11일의 일기 내용 (English below):

오늘 정말 오랜만에 동네 공원에 산책 하러 갔다. 한 시간 넘게 산책 한 후 천천히 집으로 걷고 있었다.

거의 사람 없는 공원에 어느 할아버지께서 내 방향으로 걷고 있으셨다. 나는 생각 없이 살짝 인사를 했다 (45도 인사). 그러니 할아버지가 기분 좋은 놀란 표정을 지으며 나한테 말 걸기 시작 했다.

지금까지 살아오면서 이런 인사를 처음 받는다고 반복적으로 말씀하셨다. 그러며 나에게 몇 살이냐고 물었다.

내 나이를 말 하자 할아버지께서 “적은 나이도 아닌데 인사를 했네?” 하며 계속 놀랍다는 표현을 하셨다.

그러자 나는 이렇게 말 했다, “아, 제가 아르헨티나에서 왔는데요, 거기선 길거리 걷다가 한국사람 같은 어르신을 보면 무조건 인사 하거든요.” (솔직히 이건 내 사랑하는 엄마한테서 받은 교육 ㅋㅋ)

그래서 할아버지가 물었다, “오~ 아르헨티나? 부모님께서도 거기 계시고?”

“네~~”

“거기서 무슨 일 하셔?”

“옷 장사요~”

“응, 맞아, 아르헨티나에선 의류사업 한다고 들었지. 그럼 여기는 어떻게 오게 된거니?”

“유학 왔어요~ ‘한동대학교’에요.”

“아, 그럼 몇 학년?”

“졸업 했고 지금은 ‘한동국제학교’에서 스페인어 가르쳐요.”

“나도 초등학교에서 일하다 조금 전에 은퇴 했어. 지금은 연금 받고 있지. 그럼 너의 미래는 어떻게 할 생각이니?”

갑작스럽게 물어보셔서 조금 당황 했지만 내가 생각할 수 있는 가장 진실한 대답을 했다, “저는 하나님께서 부르시는 데로 살려고요.”

“음… 그건 너무나도 이론적인 거고.. 나는 가톨릭이거든. 그런데 조금 더 구체적인 계획이 있어야지? 부모님한테서 도움 그만 받고…”

“아, 저는 대학교 4학년때부턴 부모님의 도움 없이 지냈습니다.저도 부모님한테서 경제적인 도움을 최대한 빨리 안 받아야 한다고 생각합니다.”

이 말을 듣자 할아버지께선 미소를 지으셨다. “그래, 그래야지.”

“그리고 조금 더 구체적으로 말 하자면 저는 계속 교육 쪽에 관심이 있어요.”

“아, 그렇군. 그래, 그럼 잘 되기를 바래~” 하며 우리는 각자의 갈 길을 갔다.

그리고 나는 할아버지를 위해 기도 했다: 하나님의 뜻을 따르는 것이 이론적인 것이 아니라 가장 현실적인 것이라는 걸 깨닫기 위해.

나의 작은 행동 하나로 이 할아버지께서는 아르헨티나교포/한동대학생/한동국제학교선생님/나를 키우신 부모님/기독교인에 대한 좋은 인상이 남았을 거라고 생각이 든다. 이런 일상적인 것에서 남을 존중 하려고 하는 것이 아름답다는 것을 느꼈다. 아이고 기분 좋아라 🙂

(이상한 한국말 죄송합니다. 하지만 한국인 할아버지를 만난거라서 최대한 한글로 써보고 싶었습니다.ㅋㅋㅋ)

---

Translation of Journal from January 11, 2015

Today I went for a walk at a park near my house. After about an hour of walking in the park, I decided to head back home. On my way back, I found myself walking towards an elderly man. Without thinking, I did the Asian bow (45 degrees of bowing, since it was an elderly person I didn’t really know).

I was about to walk on when the elderly man said, “Wow, this is the first time in my life I am greeted this way! (For non-Asians who might not understand what’s going on, what he means by this statement is this: although younger people should respect elders by bowing when they see them, today’s generation hasn’t been doing this, and therefore I am surprised to see you doing it to me right now!)” Then he asked me how old I was.

When he heard my age, he said, “Well, you certainly aren’t super young, yet you still bowed to me!”

And I replied, “Oh, well, I bowed because I come from Argentina. And there, we usually bow down to any Korean-looking elder.” (But to be honest, it’s a thing my mom taught me. I’m not sure if other Asians do that too :P)

“Ah, Argentina? Are your parents there too?”

“Yes, they own a small clothing business.”

“Ah, I heard about the Koreans in Argentina: they do clothing businesses. So why did you come to Korea?”

“I came to study here at Handong.”

“So what grade are you in?”

“Oh, I graduated. Now I am working at the international school in the university. I teach Spanish.”

“Ah, I see. I used to be involved with Elementary School education. Now I am retired and living on a pension. So, how are you planning on living out your future?”

I was a bit taken aback by this sudden question, but answered what was in my heart and mind, “Well, I plan to live out God’s will for my life.”

“Well, that’s too theoretical of an answer. I mean, I am Catholic too. But what is your realistic plan? It’s not good to live off of your parents.”

“Oh, I haven’t been dependent on them since around my 4th year of college. I totally agree that we shouldn’t be dependent on parents financially as soon as possible.”

When he heard this, he smiled and said, “Yes, that is correct.”

Then I said, “As for a more concrete plan, I am wanting to get deeper into education somehow.”

The elderly man ended the conversation by saying, “Well, I hope it all turns out for good!”

As I walked away, I prayed for this elderly man, “Lord, may you reveal to him that following after Your will is not a theoretical belief but the most practical thing that he could do in his life.”

Through the small action of doing an Asian bow, this elderly man was left with a good impression of a Korean diaspora from Argentina/Handong University student/ HIS teacher/ the parents who raised me/ Christians. By being respectful in a tiny, every day thing, I got to experience a simple yet beautiful conversation with an elderly man, where I even got to share about my faith; even if it was just a little bit. 🙂

On Death and Eternity

Why does the body decay onto death, yet we desire so much to stay “forever” young? To live forever? How did we think of “forever” when no one lived that long in this present life?

No one living knows what happens after death. There are millions of hypotheses, but no actual answers.

No one on this side of life can prove or disprove eternity.

Then, how is it that we came up with the concept of eternity?

I think about death every now and then, and I am terrified at the thought of eternity as much as the thought of no eternity.

If there is eternity, where, how, and with whom would I be? Even when I thought of heaven as a lovely, majestic place, it didn’t help my terror because I have been to some lovely, majestic places, but I didn’t necessarily feel comfortable in them. If heaven was about singing and singing and singing eternally, that seemed boring to me. Would I be singing the same words again and again, living in clouds with white robes along with the additional superpower of moving around without the constraints of time and space? And would I be able to “learn” in heaven? Would there be mistakes? What things would I remember from my earthly life? These and more questions come to mind.

If there is no eternity, then how come I think of that concept in and of itself? If it’s a figment of my imagination, why did my imagination imagine that? If I am a species that simply wants to procreate my kind (as evolutionary animals should desire to do for the survival of my species), then why think of eternity or the lack of it instead of going out there and having as many children as I can? That’s what the rest of the animal kingdom does. If no eternity will be like a dreamless sleep of nothingness, why are there so many people trying to prove or disprove it in this world?

Both believing in eternity or no eternity require faith. And because of my faith in a Maker who is eternal, my thoughts lean more towards thinking there is such a thing as eternity. I still think it’s a terrifying thing: death and eternity. Especially growing up, I would lie in bed and think of them both. And my heart would almost physically hurt at the thought that I wasn’t ready to face death. I wasn’t sure I was a good enough person, and whenever pastors asked, “If you die right now, are you sure you will go to heaven?” I remember never being quite sure. It was a black or white deal. So I would push back the thought of death when it became too oppressive.

But then, throughout my years in Korea, I met God relationally. And this has been helping me a great deal to think and rethink everything that has to do with death and eternity. Before, when heaven was simply a place far away, it seemed majestic yet cold. But once I met my Maker, who cared for me more deeply than I know how to express, who would rather have me rejoice in Him rather than be an outwardly obedient child, heaven became relational. Heaven is where God resides. Heaven is the fullness of His Kingdom. His kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. This means that the golden, the majestic will look to be so not because of the materialistic value it will have, but because God is there, and His presence makes everything come alive the way it was meant to be. So I imagine that if God made me and you as diverse as could be, then our modes of worship and creativity will be even more what they should be once we reach eternity in His presence. Consider a Maker who not just physically made everything, but made all things intimately: feelings, spirit, psychology included. And if He promises an eternity of untainted communion with Him, is in not worth trusting Him at his Word?

So that’s what it comes to. I need to trust that eternity won’t be a drag. I need to trust God when he tells me that eternity does exist and that He wants all His children to be with him. This is why He wants us to share the gospel, to love, to forgive, to serve. Every time I draw closer to God, every time I obey His command, I understand eternity a bit better. Death is still an unknown, but drawing closer to my Maker takes away its sting little by little.

As Francis Chan says in his book Crazy Love:

Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” It is sobering to realize that this is the same God who is holy and eternal, the Maker of the billions of galaxies and thousands of tree species in the rainforest. This is the God who takes the time to know all the little details about each of us. He does not have to know us so well, but He chooses to.

Finally, the best book that helps me think of eternity is C.S. Lewis’ The Last Battle, where the world of Narnia comes to its “end”, but in reality marks the beginning of the real story:

“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

눈치람? (Nunchi RAM?)

(English version below)

나는 눈치가 정말 없다.

지금 것 살아와서 눈치라는 것을 나름 열심히 공부하고 노력하는데도 눈치라는 건 안 생긴다.

왜 나는 눈치 없이 살아남기 힘든 대한민국의 민족성을 갖고 태어났을까?

---

예를 들면 눈치의 핀트가 안 맞아서 나를 좋아하지도 않는 남자가 날 좋아한다고 착각 하고 나를 좋아하는 남자는 누구인지 눈치를 못 챈다.

• 예 1) 어느 여름 날, 아르헨티나에서 바베큐 파티가 벌어졌다. 거기에는 많은 청년들이 모여있었다. 어느남성분께서 나에게 계속 말을 걸었다. 내가 보기엔 나한테 너무 관심이 많아 보였다. 그래서 사촌언니한테 “언니, 어느 청년이 나한테 접근 하는 것 같다.”하자 언니는 웃으면서 말했다, “야, 그 놈 여친 있어~~” 민망했다.
• 예 2) 대학 생활 하면서 수업에서 아는 언니가 나에게 어느 날 물어봤다: “너 술 마시니?” 그러자 나는 “음.. 마시는 편은 아니에요.”라고 대답 했다. 그래서 언니는 “아, 다름이 아니고 우리가 같이 듣는 수업에 너를 조금 더 알아가고 싶어하는 오빠가 있거든.” 나는 그 술자리를 거부 했고 그 후에 언니를 통해 생의 처음이자 마지막으로 가장 많은 빼빼로도 받아봤다. 여기서 내가 눈치 없는 부분은 이것이다: 나는 지금까지 나를 좋아했던 분이 누군지 모른다. 우리 수업은 20명도 안 되는 소규모 수업이었다. 그리고 그 수업엔 여자들도 있고 나와 동갑 아님 더 어린 친구들도 있었다. 그러니 그 수업에 있었던 오빠들의 수는 엄청 적을 텐데 그 중에 누구인지를 눈치를 못 챘다. 아직도 모른다.)

---

우리 엄마랑 오빠는 내가 어렸을 때부터 눈치가 없는걸 참으며 살아야 했다. (아빠는 나랑 비슷하게 눈치가 없다.) 그래서 나한테 비밀스러운 이야기를 할 때 “이것은 가족 아닌 사람한테 말하면 안 돼”라고 말하지 않은 이상 나는 무엇이 비밀이고 무엇이 아닌지 구별을 못 했다. 아직도 그런다.

눈치의 대한 정보를 28년동안 쌓아놓고 있다. 그래서 6살 엘리 보단 28살 (한국 나이 29) 엘리가 훨씬 더 눈치가 있는 인간이다.

허나, 평균적인 한국인 눈치만큼 있을려면 하늘에 별 따기로 느껴진다.

“이건 이런 대에서 말 하면 안 돼”라고 할 때 나는 단순히 그 상황 혹은 그 상황과 거의 비슷해야지만 그런 말을 하면 안 된다는 인식을 한다. 그래서 토종 한국인들은 대부분 나를 좋아하지는 않다.

눈치가 없어서 한국에서 대학 생활하면서 3 학년이 돼서야 이해 했다 (누가 말 해줘서): 한국 대학생들은 수업에서 손을 들고 질문 하는 학생을 이상하게 본다. 나는 항상 질문이 있으면 교수님께 물어봤었다. 그 수 많은 수업에서 얼마나 많은 한국 학생들은 나를 또라이로 봤을까?

4학년에 눈치 아닌 누군가의 정보 덕분에 알게 된 것: 교수님이 혼낼 때 눈을 마주보면 안 된다. 눈을 마주치는 것은 싸가지 없는 짓. 아이고. 내가 4년 동안 우리를 혼낼 때 교수님과 선배들의 눈을 항상 마주쳤는데… 내가 얼마나 싸기지 없어 보였을까? 그때 당시에는 “어, 왜 다들 말씀 하시는 사람의 눈을 안 볼까? 나라도 봐야겠다”만 생각 하며 빤히 쳐다봤다. 눈치가 조금 이리도 있었으면 나도 눈을 까는 건데…

---

결론:

지금 생각해보면 한국에서 8년 가까이 생활 해서 눈치 RAM을 많이 늘었다. 옛날엔 1GB RAM이었으면 지금은 2GB인 느낌이랄까? 왜냐하면 이젠 내가 눈치 없는 것에 대해 더 눈치를 챘으니 이상한 짓 하기 전에 가까운 친구들과 가족들에게 물어본다:” 이렇게 하면 돼나? 이렇게 말하면 싸가지 없는건가?”

언잰가 나도 엄마하고 오빠처럼 16GB RAM 눈치로 업그레이드 할수 있을깝?

---

---

I really have no nunchi*.

(*Nunchi: being aware of others in an interactive situation, like being socially awake and socially keen, picking up on something)

All my life, I’ve done my best to be good at nunchi, but it just doesn’t seem to come to me.

Why was I born into an ethnicity that considers nunchi essential for survival?

---

A very straightforward example of my horrible nunchi skills:

• One summer in Argentina, there was a barbecue with a bunch of people my age. There was a guy who kept talking to me. I thought he was interested in me. So I told my cousin, “Hey, I think that guy is interested in me.” To which my cousin laughed a lot and replied, “Dude, he has a girlfriend.”
• During my college years, I was in this class with less than twenty students. An unnie (older girl) I knew asked me whether I liked drinking because there was an oppa (older boy) who was interested in getting to know me better as we went out for a few drinks. I said I wasn’t really into drinking. Afterwards, through that same unnie, the oppa gave me a bunch of Pepperos (Korean candy). And here’s where I have no nunchi: I still don’t know who that oppa is. That class was not just small, but there were a few girls, and there were boys younger than me. That leaves only a few boys who were older than me. Nunchi level zero.

---

My mom and brother had to bear (and still have to bear) with my nunchilessness. (My dad is equally without nunchi as I.) Thus, when they told me something that had to be kept private, they always had to mention “Hey, don’t tell this to anyone outside the family” because otherwise I couldn’t tell the difference between something that was a secret and something that wasn’t. I still have a hard time differentiating this.

And so, 28 years have passed. I have been slowly gathering information about where and how to have nunchi. This means that the 28-year-old Eli has more nunchi than the 6-year-old Eli.

However, I am thousands of miles away from having the nunchi of a normal Korean person.

Because I had no nunchi, it was barely in my third year of college in Korea that I found out (because someone told me) Korean students consider it rude to ask questions to the professor during lectures. I am naturally a person full of questions, so I had asked countless questions until my junior year in Korea. They must have thought I was a weirdo.

Also, on my fourth year of university, I found out through someone that when a professor or a person in a higher position than you scolds you, you aren’t supposed to look at their face. For four years, whenever a professor scolded us and everyone was looking down, I thought to myself, “Why are they being so rude? They’re just staring at their books! At least I will show respect by looking at the professor.” If I had an ounce of nunchi, I would have looked down at my book too.

---

Conclusion:

The past eight years I have spent in Korea helped expand my nunchi RAM. Before living in Korea, I had a 1GB RAM of nunchi, whereas now I have 2GB. I consider myself upgraded because at least now I am more cautious and ask “Hey, is it ok to do this? Is it having no nunchi if I say this?” to my close friends and family.

The question is: will I ever be able to have a 16GB nunchi RAM like my brother and mom?

---