A Joyful Season 💐

The more I allow God into every nook and cranny of my soul, the more joy I experience. It’s been such an adventure allowing God to take the lead and teach me His ways. In doing this, I started to value the things not seen over the things seen and the results have been growth and joy on all sides.

I used to exert myself greatly to “love” and “serve” when all God was asking me to do was to “die” to self. That means to 힘 빼 (let go)–not 힘 줘 (strain). A dead person cannot 힘 줘 ㅋㅋㅋ

One of my close friends visited me from the States not long ago. She has known me in my worst and stuck it out as a faithful friend. As we were hanging out, she joyfully commented on how much “softer” I had gotten. Yes, God has softened me up a lot and I’m sure He will continue to do so, because I know that without Him, I would be as rough as… a porcupine.

It’s things like these that add to the deep-seeded joy I feel in this season of life. Knowing that the Holy Spirit has been breathing life into me–molding me to be who I was meant to be in Christ.

I used to think of joy as a concept rather than a reality. And I remember that the word “joy” kept popping up during my hardest and most depressing season in life (back in 2017-2018). I wondered what God meant by it, and at that time, two things became apparent: one, I was invited to explore the word “pleasure” in Christ, and two, I felt like I had to pause on asking, “What is your will, God?” Both things were so foreign to me that it took years to register what it meant, but now I understand why God brought those two thoughts in mind.

God was trying to help me get out of the utalitarian view I had of Him, His will, and His kingdom. He wiped a large chunk of this clean through an image that still remains fresh in my mind. I was at Swiss L’Abri (it’s a Christian center that calls itself a shelter for questions) and I was sunbathing at a local pool on one of our free days. I was questioning why I was here. I felt so spoiled. Why did I have so many questions? Why couldn’t I just toughen up and get over my depression? There was so much to do for God’s kingdom! The last thing God needs is a weakling like me. While such thoughts were roaming in my head, I was people-watching. There were children running around on scooters nearby. One of them fell from one of the ramps. A worker came to him to see whether he was okay. He seemed a little bruised, but he could walk. The worker walked with the child to find his mother. The child limped a bit, but otherwise seemed fine. But the moment the child saw his mother, he started to cry loudly and ask for a hug as he sobbingly explained everything that happened. In seeing this unfold, I felt like God was telling me that it’s okay for me to be like that child with Him. Sure, I wasn’t dealing with extreme persecution, hunger, or poverty like some Christians out there, and my questions about life were not life-or-death issues, but God wanted me to go to Him with the same trust that child went to his mother. He could have sucked it up, but when he saw his mother, he knew he could express his emotions as they were. Within the child’s realm of understanding, this was the good and proper thing to do. After this, I slowly saw myself shifting from a utalitarian view towards one of learning to enjoy God.

And the inevitable fruit of enjoying God is joy.